Television Licenses;

 

                         Hello again. Recently, I have been receiving a rather large amount of letters from the Television Licensing Authority or TVLA about how I have been suspected of watching a television without having a license. In total I've probably received about three or four of these letters. The last one was labelled with some rather threatening red print, and read "Hand Delivered, very important, do not throw away." Or something to that extent. I opened the letter, which was basically a rant about how people can be fined up to a £1000 or whatever for not having a license. I would have felt worried, however a small child can barely get in my room, never mind a television set, and thus I have no television. One of the funny things though, was that everyone where I live seems to have got these letters. That's sixty people, and out of those sixty people, around only five actually have televisions. A few residents, including one who has access to television via his computer, but never uses it began to feel rather worried about this. I remember seeing that shit advert from the TVLA at home, where a boy who hasn't paid his tv license comes home and makes his parents some tea and they kick it over. Something like that. Anyway, the fact remains that these people were almost pressured into buying a television due to the TVLA's threats. Which made me think, just supposing the idiots at the TVLA sent hundreds and hundreds of these letters out randomly. You can guarantee that several recipients will be elderly, or vulnerable people who may also feel threatened enough to go out and buy licenses that they don't actually need, just because they have an old television in their attic for example. 

                     With the last letter, I filled the stamp addressed return envelope full of pizza menus, garden centre newsletters, religious circulars, and other junk I have been sent and sent it back to the TVLA. I thought they were supposed to have special equipment which could pinpoint exactly who was using a television "in any area." So much for that. To me, it appears that they actually use no technology, and simply carpet bomb the whole of Britain with "you haven't paid" letters. Here's a suggestion on how to save money on technology, TVLA;

 

1)     Get a list of addresses of everyone in Britain.

2)     Send them all letters.

                   

                  It seems however, from what I've seen, that they are indeed one step ahead of me, and are actually already doing this;

 

 

             I managed to secure a copy of page two from one of the TVLA's annual meetings. I decided to contact the TVLA about a problem I was having. I am still awaiting a response, but as soon as I get one, I'll post it;

 

Hello

 

I was at my house the other day, and a letter arrived from you saying that it had been hand delivered, and that i was suspected of having watched a television without having a license. This immediately sent my thoughts spiralling, as i have no television. As soon as i read your letter, i was very worried and began searching the house for a television set that someone may have hidden to play a trick on me. However, i could find nothing of the sort. After days and days of searching, i went in my bedroom and sat down on my bed, it was then that i noticed the poster of a television on my bedroom wall. The poster shows a television set, and on the screen is a man on a motorbike going round a corner. I usually look at this poster when i go into my bedroom, and before i go to sleep. Is this the television set that your letters were referring to? Should i take this poster down and burn it, like my gun picture, which i also had no license for?

 

Chris Wrist